Things have been so peachy… well not perfect but, you know, good. I was seeing a therapist briefly but ran out of stuff to talk about. Now I’m coming down off the Prozac. And oh shit the withdrawal has started. I think. I’m anxious, I’m fatigued. Maybe it’s a combination of things like struggling to find funding for work or totally not exercising and eating like...
Therapy - Week 1
Well herpdyderp, I lost the piece of paper with the psychiatrists AND the book name on it. *lesigh* Okay, if it’s not in Evernote or somewhere else electronic, it doesn’t exist from now on. Did I already FAIL at therapy? What a thought. I say a like homework and then I derp it up. I kept thinking it was a home… then maybe work… maybe home… back and forth until I...
This was an interesting book →
Coming of Age on Zoloft
Crash and burn and resurrect and then I'm back
All the life things changed. I got through the Big Thing somehow. And then stand the new thing which has had it’s own ups and downs. But it’s back to therapy for me again because STUFF. I should use the next week or so to define what the Stuff is so I can explain to the née therapist who i hope helps and I really really hope doesn’t suck. But I guess we’ll see… Also...
Another silver ribbon story
I’ve been forced to explain homosexuality to my kids (aged 3 and 4) because...– KateP, Internet commenter (via cocklordsimone) Biscuits, part of the evul gay agenda.
ACT Don't THINK for Panic Attacks :-)
panicfreeme: I have a friend who is a real live scientist & he explained to me how you can ACT your way out of fear & panic. You Can Stop Panic Attacks With Action Very cool and it works! :-) The mime picture is creepy. But the advice is really great! Need this in the last month of my thesis…
Staying Motivated When You're Anxious & Recovering
panicfreeme: Coping with Anxiety- How to Stay Motivated: http://panicfreeme.com/3441/coping-with-anxiety-how-to-stay-motivated/ Easy tips to help you thru the tough times. Please feel free to share any tips, thank you! :-)
Corollary to "Worst Fears"
Continuing on http://runaroundrunaroundheadasplode.tumblr.com/post/18417242429/worst-fears-rebutted If I don’t get the paper out in time, that still doesn’t affect my career. And, it’ll get published somewhere, as that is what’s important. But even that isn’t the end of my world here!
CBT for Depression
Working on this book: http://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioral-Workbook-Depression-Step/dp/1572244739 Which is on my Nook, which I can’t write in, so that stuff can go here! Chapter 3: A Master Plan to Defeat Depression My mission statement: I am on a mission to defeat depressive thinking so that I can be happy every day, enjoy my life, and be productive without holding myself back....
Worst fears rebutted
Thoughts: Failing defense, paper rejected, All the “worsts.” Seriously, what’s the worst that could seriously happen? I don’t think they are going to throw me out on my ass. Comical, maybe, but so bizarre that even I can’t believe it. The worst that could possibly, realistically happen would be that the committee decides that I’m not ready yet and have a few...
tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?
My full alter-ego
This Tumblr is now associated with a Twitter account and a Pinterest board. I found that my depression and anxiety were leaking into my social media life under my real name, and I just didn’t want to do that. That persona is much more professional, or at least it should be. It’s okay that people know I am depressed and anxious, that I suffer from these mental disorders. However, I do...
Unexpected Life Lesson
I went to the dance studio after a ~4 month hiatus. When I got really anxious about my thesis and applying for jobs, I got really depressed. And I just stopped… everything. Long story short and with much help, it has turned around… I was offered my dream post-doc, my research is going really well, and it looks like I’m going to finish on time. I decided to go back to dancing on a...
It’s there, it’s fucking there right THERE the IMAGE… the goal, the me inside, the scientist the educator the writer and the artist it is SO CLOSE i can almost touch it….. why doesn’t she come out into the real world?!
The Same Person
Somehow I tricked myself into thinking that I forgot how. Did I? Not completely.
Thought Record 9/28 5:35pm
Scared. Afraid. What is making me so afraid? Am I afraid of succeeding, or failing? I’m seting myelf up now, or resetting myelf, to ucceed, to do what I love. So what the heck can I be afraid of? It doesn’t matter. The Fear is irrational and residual. I will succeed now. I will move on, I will get this job search on. I will find out what is stuck under my ‘s’ key as...
And I’m writing. About stuff. This is going to be really random because for some reason I cannot just get started with morning pages or though records so it’s just going to be a mental “passing of gas” if you will. Who doesn’t love fart humor? Avoidance. What the hell? It’s a sickness. It’s a tricky bastard. I can’t let it WIN. I need to do this on...
Post-Relapse, Still in a Funk
Today’s therapy session was short, and highly unsatisfying. I guess I had way more to talk about than I realized. Which is probably why my psychiatrist scheduled another meeting for two weeks from now. Gosh, I do need it. How did I get so off track? Why couldn’t I get back on it by myself? Why do I still struggle to ask for help and why the fuck am I still talking about something...
Recovery, and Mornings...
Shitfuck, did I really just write that last post a couple of weeks ago? So much has happened since then, and things are only getting better with my anxiety. I’ve gotten a lot done, and I feel a lot better, even when things get tough. Because I have my toolbox, bitches. My tools of dealing with anxiety. Yeah. I will have a happy report when I see my therapist again next week after a whole...
So, believe it or not, my CBT is over. I’m staying on the meds at least a year, but otherwise I’ve been flying solo since the holidays. And boy did the world just try it’s darndest to get me to freak out. There were snowstorms and medical problems, and car issues and flight issues, and conferences and meeting new people and meeting smart, respected people, and talking about my...
I can do this. I can totally, totally do this. I know this. This talk will be fine. Putting myself out there is okay, look how everyone else does it as well! Generate interest, TALK to people. I can do this.
Now that I am actually home, in my own bed, it doesn’t seem that bad anymore. Weird.
What if talk is bad? Whet if I’m bit ready? Why did I put it off? What if I’m out of time? The worst that can happen uits I’m more nervous than usual. Or I can’t fully answer a question. I will get the talk done. I’ve already out lined and mostly filled it in. Imagine talk going well. Imagine networking, interacting. Imagine working hard at my desk, beginning to...
Losing my nerve. Finding it hard to find the time to do the things I never bothered to make a list of anyway. I guess that’s a good start. And I planned for this vacation time, without the unrealistic expectations. But now I have to monitor and adjust. And state my needs, and set aside a time and place to work and make a list, and not panic. Too much. I can do this. I’ve done it...
Start small, start with what you want. Don’t get tied to the list like it has to be sequential.
Breathing is good
Well, pneumonia sucks. That isn’t surprising. To separate the sickness from being upset about being sick from being upset over anything else was not easy. So I said “fuck it” and watched a whole lot of Buffy. But, as I’m returning to work… life… everything, I should be writing things more. So, here’s a try. Feeling anxious and sluggish. Anxious because I...
No need to be in “crazy-catch-up” mode. Just productive mode.– Me
So... uh.... yeah...
Apologies for the previous rant. Needed to get that out before I went all Incredible Hulk on the office furniture. Also, understanding officemates are great. :-) Wanted to congratulate myself on overcoming sickness and emotional-weirdness of the last week and getting right back to work efficiently and happily and without kicking myself. Yay!
Having a Google alert set to the family name brings up unfortunate surprises at times. How is it that such a worthless shell of a man can make so much money (in a job that requires the sociopath to have a gun, no less) and leave the wife and kids he tortured for twenty-odd years to struggle and scrape by? Why is it that all my friends who get that kind of financial parental help don’t...
I have you cornered, anxiety
So I’ve been slacking on the work, because I was doing so well on my own. Then some dumbass cold virus took me down, physically and mentally. But you know what? That’s what these tools are for, to get through the rough times. No need to despair. Just get up and keep going.
I was going post something positive, but I forgot it cuz my brain broke cuz I’ve been working like mad all week and forgot to eat today. So, yeah… stuff.
I miss the days when I woke up groggily to an alarm clock, rather than on my own so that I remember my bizarre, bizarre dreams. WTF brain?
When you feel like giving up, remember why you...
reblog if you have mental health issues
Anxiety disorders, represent!! heeschem: i want some good blogs to follow
Mom brought up my thesis and eventual graduation, and I answered happily, rather than getting defensive, anxious, or starting to cry. Best part is, I didn’t even realize I’d changed so much. She pointed it out to me. Family is awesome.
Boy Named Sue?
So, I slept almost SIX hours before waking up this time. Woo hoo! As a scientist, I cannot rule out variables that I did not control for, such as the eight hour fucking drive, or any placebo effect, but this may be the result of the second medication my doctor gave me. (I feel like a damn drug addict. I now have a sleep aid to help me deal with the insomnia from my anxiety meds. Geez.) Since...
Mom says that me on Prozac/therapy is like my little brother normally… talking a mile a minute and all hyped up! (And like her as well, in that way.) Weeeeeiiiiird… But, she hasn’t seen me this happy in a long time. WIN!
I’m going to do what makes me happy. And if this isn’t it, I will...– Me. I know my anxiety has the potential to permeate everything I like and do, which is why I’m working so hard on it. However, if it truly turns out that the path I’m on (or supposedly on) isn’t right for me, then I know I have other choices in life.
"Come into my parlour," said the spider to the... →
You tell them, sister!! helloooclarice: Anxiety and depressive disorders have the tendency to make life a living hell when it does not need to be. Every misfortune or worry, from miniscule to gigantic is magnified tenfold. One could live a normal life without so much misery if these disorders did not exist… Please, just stop calling us…